It’s not exactly been the best of times for most of us. So far, 2020 has been a complete and utter ballache. January felt like it lasted about 10 weeks and became the month that just wouldn’t end, the majority of February was focused on trying to get back on track with the new year’s resolutions we’d already broken on January 2nd and then March just bulldozed us. Since then, each day in lockdown feels like a week in real time – knowing what happened yesterday has become a daily quiz.
I would hazard a guess that 95% of us are struggling to remember our own names, let alone what day it is or how to act like a creditable human being in public (especially when doing the weekly shop. You know exactly the type I mean).
Effectively, we’ve all fallen into one of three very distinct categories; Group one is a salute to every keyworker who has tirelessly given up their days off for the welfare and safety of the public. We will forever be indebted to you for the endless hours you’ve put in, the sleepless nights you’ve endured because of the additional stress work has thrown at you and the frustration of watching friends and family appearing to be doing sweet fuck all at home. My boyfriend sits firmly in this group and I couldn’t be prouder. Unfortunately, I do not.
Group two focuses on the people who were furloughed early on to help save the plummeting economy and decided to use the time wisely to better themselves; learning a new skill, working on self-care, killing themselves every morning with a Courtney Black home workout (these people do exist I promise, I know a few of them well!). Fair play to everyone who is able to put themselves in this category – once again, I can’t raise my hand and pretend like I’ve done something good in my extended downtime. I belong solely to Group three.
This is the one I’m praying that others will also be willing to admit to (however reluctantly); the ones that have spent more time walking to the fridge and back each day than they have actually getting some sunshine and vitamin D. The ones that get cramp in their ass and thigh muscles on a daily basis because they haven’t ventured off the sofa in the last 24 hours. The ones that have covered every square inch of Netflix with a fine tooth comb and are now complaining that there are no good series to watch because they’ve binged them all already. This is where I belong – I am Sid the Sloth and I am proud (well, proud is a very loose term…)
I decided to follow Marie Kondo’s mantra during lockdown: If it doesn’t spark joy in my life, I won’t be doing it. The scales however, seem to be struggling a lot more than they did in March. And the treat box may have manifested itself into a treat cupboard. And the weekly food bill might have trebled. And the only time I get direct sunlight is when I’m queuing to get into the supermarket – and even then it’s only my eyes and forehead as my sweaty, reusable face mask hides my scowl from the complete knobjockeys who clearly don’t understand there is a one-way system in place.
Lockdown really is the gift that just keeps on giving. The face masks have been a joy since they’ve become mandatory (although I still they should have been introduced a lot earlier) – it’s almost a sport for people who also wear glasses. You fundamentally have two options; be able to breathe or be able to see, doing both simultaneously is a complete no-go. Answers on a postcard for anyone who’s come up with a useful hack for this latest first-world dilemma, trust me, I’m all ears!
In the grand scheme of things, most of us have been very fortunate. We might have gained a few pounds (or stones…), our bank accounts may be slightly more depleted than usual thanks to 80% pay and we’ve only just been able to start hugging our loved ones after nearly 4 months, but we still have our health, a job to go back to and now just see lockdown as a nuisance. We are definitely the lucky ones.
Mind you, I’m sure I’m not the only one who has the occasional moment of blind rage, wanting to attack my partner with any kitchen instrument that is within reach. I’d love to give a reason why, lockdown seems to be bringing out the psycho in all of us. Bet you our partners are looking forward to us returning to work for a chance at sanity once more…